Shaken

Two days ago, something happened at home. Dad and mum were away traveling so grandma and I were the only ones at home with the dog. It was a little after midnight when the incident happened... and I was terribly shaken by it.

Door lock opening, latches unlatched. I trembled, for once I felt the greatest fear I ever experienced.. and this incident left a deep mark. A very deep mark that I doubt will ever go away except haunt me back again in future..

A story to be told only to the known. A story.. no one will ever understand lest they themselves experience being in my shoes.

A story of life.

4 Days and COUNTING down

ASC.............. 4 days to go!!

I'm excited. Are you? International event....when on earth would we, STUDENTS (mostly age ranging 16 - 21) have another chance to organize such GREAT event??

Come to think of it.. WAOW. Amazing how God works. Apparently now suddenly got free time to write something. Usually I won't have time to even go to toilet at times just for the sake of MSNing or eBUDDYing other LOCs. Haha.

Hmm.. what to say. I'm getting excited. :D Hehe.

Steph jie said to us coordinators: "We must go all out for it. In other countries when ASC is being organized, their full time coordinators and working teams are SENIOR COLLEGE STUDENTS and ADULTS. And us, we Kuching YCS organize this with a team of SECONDARY SCHOOL STUDENTS, coordinated by fresh school leavers. We have studies problem, tuition problem, transport problem.. parents.. exams... and they don't have AS MUCH problems as we do! Now that's what we should be proud of!!" That hit it. We are younger in age and lacking in experience, but we can do as good as others could, for it is the LORD who is working in us!!

What's impossible for him?? Nothing.

With all these motivation, affirmation, assurance and signs from God, why worry when it is GOD who's doing the work? We're only his hands and feet. Why complain and fear? Why not rejoice and be joyful for God is using US, specially CHOSEN for this event?

I'm so excited for this. I used to worry about the financial thingy....but now come to think of it, why worry when God will mutiply loaves and fishes, God will tranform water into wine, and God will provide donkey for entrance into Jerusalem.??

God is so good ~ Alleluia!

We are counting down the days.... and you won't hear from me until 2 weeks later. Hehe! Perhaps I'll even find time to write a few lines during the event itself! Sharing of God's glory. So LOCs, GEAR UP! For God's glory! :)


John 17:23 "With me in them and you in me, may they be so perfected in unity that the world will recognise that it was YOU who sent me and that YOU have loved them as you have loved me."

Of Mineral Water and Coordinator

This morning was at college. For a reason to get mineral water bottle supplies from Coordinator. Apparently Miss Early was there already, alone. Went up to hunt for Coordinator but she went somewhere so decided to wait with Miss Early. :P

Then after the mineral water boxes were transfered, we had a friendly talk. It seemed that neither her nor us was happy with the separation. Spending 3-months together felt so short a time to know each other better, now that we won't have such great opportunity anymore. But one thing to be happy about is that she has finally chosen the right path in which she will enjoy and treasure most. Sad though it seems, but it's a door to a new walk of life. And for that we must rejoice.

Almost got her into tears, which would be a true witness to the bond we've built. Here's wishing you the very best, and with many thanks for a great experience.

Don't know what title

Seriously I have no idea what to write. So many things happening these few days, and my brain's been working extra hours without complaining.. yet.

The Youth Easter.Rally 09 was AWESOME. The preparations were killing everyone but the result was so GREAT that we all rose from the dead in the end. So many things happened during the 3-days conference. It was really a start for greater things. Just the right timing. Thank you Lord!

In line with that, ASC is just.. a week away. O.o I would say most things are almost done, yet not done... A lot of final things to be finalized. Committees are not helping with slow replies and pending requests. Well, everybody's got work to do.. and we can only accomplish our work IF everybody works together... :) T-shirts are coming out from the shells but booklets are still in the eggs not ready to break the shell yet. Things to buy are yet to be bought. And for once my file is full in one day's printing of updates. But all the same, let's work together to make it happen for God's glory!

TC's another one. I'm actually starting to let go of it slowly. I shouldn't be holding on to it anyway. But the experience I got from working with different people here is definitely a memorable and priceless one. About time I stand my ground now..

Actually I have so many more things to talk about. Somehow I think I need to clone myself to do more work at the same time. Apparently now multitasking and shifting windows Alt-Tab Alt-Tab non-stop trying to figure out what else to write. Hmm. Will be busy off starting tomorrow until....14 June for the ASC. Hopefully will have enough consciousness and energy to go back to class on 15 June - and that I don't sleep in class.

Back to work! I'm losing a few kgs already from all the mental movements. Haha. O.o Hope I don't bore you with these blah-ness. :P

The Pre-WEEK

It is so near now.... and so many things happening. Just a while ago I met a lady and there was conversation between us and WHOLA she sponsored gifts for the event, of which I thought of buying. Praise God!

So what's with all this rushing and tense situations...?

11th International Young Christian Students (IYCS) Asian Session & Council (ASC)2009

first-time ever to be held in SARAWAK, in KUCHING by KUCHING YCS.

WHOA. Big thing. International event, hosted by mostly unexperienced secondary school students and don't-know-what-to-do-at-first alumni YCS.

So what's this ASC? ASC is the highest decision making body for IYCS Asia. Once in 3 years, the student leaders of various national movements gather to decide on the orientation of the YCS movements in Asia.

And this time round, it's decided to have KUCHING to host such a grand event, of which will be attended by the Apostolic Delegate himself, coming as a representative of Holy Father the Pope.

O.O

I still can't believe such "little"state will be chosen..for such BIG thing... For those who humble themselves will be magnified, and those who magnify themselves will be humbled.. This verse is so true, though I can't exactly remember the verse.

But above all, this is for Him. This event - is His. Who are we to decide if we can have it going well, if we do not focus on Him?

It's a rushing week now. Prepare for everything with Plan B. Too many to list. Too much to write. I just pray everyone will be at their best health as we await the delegates and bring them closer to GOD through our preparations and joy in doing it!

For all glory is for Him. :)

Focus

It is true that when the biggest wave hits you more and more, you lose your balance and fall into the water. And that somewhat killed your spirit to get up and stand there being hit again.

Having to focus on a single goal is not as easy as to work towards that goal. To focus is just one action; to work towards it involves many processes and actions, all of which changes in time.

I used to be able to focus on doing things very well. Lately being swept away by the waves, I couldn't find my legs and the ground to stand on. My mind travels at its own will, something very extraordinary I found out. :)

However, with the upcoming bigger wave hitting the shore, I am still trying to stand still and watch it sweep up instead of sweep me up.. I suppose all I need is a little reminder to focus on the ultimate purpose and goal instead of dispersing my mind. And I think many others need that too.

A reminder.

Finding Strength

In the midst of everything rotting away and tumbling down, there is yet one person to call for help.

God.

Seems very selfish to only find Him in times of need, but God, you know our rising and our falling. You know us, and You will provide strength.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13

When everyone and everything is lost, you will find them Lord.

Come people, rise up.

Falling Meteors

I don't know what to say. Neither do I know what to do.

When everything seems to go well, and then suddenly this temperature rises and poof meteors start falling. Not on everyone, but on that particular someone only.

I feel it's rather unfair that someone had to bear the consequences when everything in the first place was not of that someone's fault. Hard to say, I suppose unexpected incidents happen due to lack of alertness.

But I still think the meteors shouldn't be falling down so direct and killing till that someone is now injured and refusing to seek hospital treatment. Not only one meteor; but TWO? THREE? Give that someone a break, you people called friends.

Flooded

It's getting tense. The winds blew strongly and gushing waters came rushing in from all corners. Flood's coming.

God, when will the time come for you to take away the 40 days flood?

Silent companion, please be at my side when the toughest wave pushes me down. I am still standing despite the shakes it is giving me; I just need a rail, on standby.

Let us pray all may persevere through this flood and make the best sculpture out of the sand it swept ashore.

*breathes*

:)

Carefree

I was driving home one fine morning, and just before I reached home, I looked into my old primary school just few blocks away. It was the usual break time and kids were running around chasing each other... some were crowding at one corner eating happily.. oh the old days.

So carefree.

When I was young it seems that not knowing anything is the best thing in life. I only remembered that as the youngest in class I used to be the victim of bullies. With a petite size and small guts, everyone took advantage of me. Until one day I got hurt really badly that grandma came and stood up for me - and ever since then the bully and I became great friends.

And then there were the times when we played simple board games and never seemed to get bored of them.. unlike today computer took over as the main source of entertainment. Also not forgetting, the usual 'Zero Point' and 'hopskotch'. Those were the days we really had the best time not worrying about anything, not even studies; only until Pri 6 then total focus was implied.

But now...it's so different.

I heard the kids sang the patriotic song after break time finished, and it sounded so melodious. So innocent. So free.

When can we become carefree again, now that we are older? When shall we let go of our pride and just be ourselves and care less about the things in the world and in our lives? When will it be, for freedom to flow freely in us, before the final day comes..

Rest

It has been a while since I last rested. Yesterday was like Sabbath for me. Well not totally, but half day is still considered rest.

A complete afternoon nap, treating yourself with the best delicacies you can find at home and switching on the television to your favourite channel. Letting go of oneself onto the couch in front of the entertainment and whola - rest. I pampered myself after all the tiredness. Haha.

How many times do we remember to treat ourselves to the best of things we have? Most of the time, we work and work and forgot that our body needs rest too from all the working. And many times from there, health issues come in and force us to rest whether we like it or not. That's the end result.

Lately we've been slaves to the world's expectations. I didn't realise it often, and by the time I do, it's almost too late. Yet I managed to make up for it before it is really too late.

So when was the last time you enjoyed your cone of vanilla ice-cream? Or a trip to the countryside, or a walk on the beach to just listen to the waves?

Have one, while life is still great.

Going All Out

The event is near. Just 20 days to go. I'm sure everyone is going all out to make this event a successful one first ever held by Kuching youths.

Somehow, somewhere.. something seems to be missing...

Unity.

We taught them the meaning to be a servant. We showed them by becoming servants to them. We went all out for them. But why are they not going all out for themselves?

Excuses.

It is true. Working as a team takes a lot of sacrifice and tolerance. Sometimes I just wish there's no such action as "pushing" or "imposing", life would be easier that way.

I am going all out. At least I try. But are you even trying?

Stretched

I was there, braved myself to meet the truth. And what a shock I had.

Can't believe it was happening to me, but it's now back to normal... I hope.

Got stretched, pulled and yanked. Felt as if my whole skeleton's coming out.

Thank God all was well. And all went well. Thought I would pass out or something, being jerked like that.

Anyway, hope this normal condition will stay. :)

Checkup

To fix the line. To fix the alignment. To fix the supporting trunk.

Hopefully all goes well. For once, I'm scared it won't.

But .. faith, trust and angel's dust.

TOEFL

Today was the big day for the big English test as foreign language (TOEFL). 5 of us went together; we practically started studying together, journeyed together and sat for the test together. I saw it all.

That morning while at registration, problem came. We all had no passports as identification document. =.= There panic came over Anne, whereas the rest of us, surprisingly remained calm as if there were no big issue. Anne got us the certification letter from college which guaranteed our papers being marked - phew - else we would have been in deep deep trouble.

My personal experience during exam: I almost fell asleep during the test. =.= Of all times, and all exams, this. Well, practically because the day before was a little too hectic for me too and I suffered the consequences after test. Had to stay in bed the whole afternoon for good, for once. And for the last time hopefully.

But overall, we all survived it. Results will be out in about 6 weeks time. By then, what's done is done. After all, what matters is we did our best and let the result be the judge.

To the rest of you taking the test with me, well done! :)

To those who prayed and supported silently or loudly from behind, thank you for your helping hand. :)

To the test markers, please be in good mood when marking our essays. :)

Till then, 6 weeks.

Envious

It has been a year. A year since I became a freshie. Now going to be in sophomore year. I wonder how are the rest doing in their respective places. They must have flown to respective countries for internships and so forth.. Oh how envious.

There are so many things I envy people for. Talents, gifts, personalities. Well I know my own, but sometimes, it just feels rather selfish to think of what others have and to want them for myself too. The more I know people, the more I discover so many beautiful things in them that I do not have. How envious.

In real fact, it IS possible to have what others have.. nothing is impossible if we work for it. But at times, some things are NOT meant to be ours; and that no matter how hard we try, we can never have them. And those who have it, sadly never put to good use. So envious.

Not that jealousy comes in, but it's kind of sad to let the good stuff go waste, don't you think? Perhaps it's just me being self-centred for once. I guess I'm just human.

The End Yet Not the End.

Just finished exam. It was.. okay I guess. Somewhat this time I never left the room early anymore. Due to some 'complications' which prevented certain functions from functioning well. But all the same, all's finish but the great English one is tomorrow. Hmm... getting lazy.

I would say throughout this whole exam period, I have not been studying as I should. So many things crept up at the same time of which I juggled horribly. It wasn't easy to prioritize, especially when both are of the same priorities.

Yesterday had a little tension with her again. It seemed that whenever a good gesture is declined, there is that deep sense of rejection. Rejection - tough job.

So the end is here. It is coming, though not exactly here. I wish the end won't be here too soon, yet I wish things to end soon. Hmm.. human nature vs true self. Who will win.

Why Problems

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you, depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems, rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring.

Here are five ways God wants to use the problems in your life:

1. God uses problems to DIRECT you

Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change.. Is God trying to get your attention? "Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways." Proverbs 20:30

2. God uses problems to INSPECT you

People are like tea bags if you want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot ever water! Has God tested your faith with a problem? What do problems reveal about you? "When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience." James 1:2-3

3. God uses problems to CORRECT you

Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It's likely that as a child, your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something... health, money, a relationship ... by losing it. "It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws." Psalm 119:71-72

4. God uses problems to PROTECT you

A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem, but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management's actions were eventually discovered. "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good..." Genesis 50:20

5. God uses problems to PERFECT you

Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship with God and your character are the only two things you're going to take with you into eternity. "We can rejoice when we run into problems... they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us, and helps us trust God more each time we use it, until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady." Romans 5:3-4

Here's the point:

God is at work in your life even when you do not recognize it or understand it. But it's much easier and profitable when you cooperate with Him.

"Success can be measured not only in achievements, but in lessons learned, lives touched and moments shared along the way"

LIFE IS AN ECHO. What you send out, you get back. What you give, you receive.

WHEN YOU BRING OUT THE BEST IN OTHERS, YOU BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOURSELF.

Deep

It has never occured to me that something like these would happen all at the same time. Sharing it out never seemed to help, except more critics coming in that prioritizing was not in place. And it went really deep..

It was fine at first. Some people are just known for their interesting method of commenting and comforting speech. Some on the other hand, do not bother to think of the otherwise. Some times, little things said or done, can mean a lot to some other people; whether or not sensitivity is in thought.

Judging priority is not the easiest thing to do. Not if it involves the most important things in life. At times, won't it be great if in such dilemma, a person can just be the silent companion yet caring and nursing the quiet moments.. and not dig deeper.

I personally, think it has gone deep enough. :)

Do get some rest while I fill it up with soil again. =)

Labor's Day

It was Labor's Day but I went into labor. Haha. No la. Not that I gave birth or something, but the day was spent doing work. :D

The day was spent in Bau for the launching of the heart of KAYD09. It was a really fruitful event, where hearts were touched and the launching was indeed very beautiful. No pics from me though, I'm not a keen photographer. Hehe.

So I registered as 'bus driver' basically doing transportation stuff. It'll be a new experience and hopefully less work. Heheks! So mean.

Next week will be exam week. So much for revision. And office work piling up my shoulders. Well, I can choose to sigh and mourn over the work.. or I can choose to smile and say "Come, let's learn juggling!" and I choose the latter.

Just that at times, it's kinda hard.. don't you think?

Haha.. so people, Happy Labor's Day! Make every day a labor's day holiday! That will be in... n years.

P.s. Currently a little short-circuited.