Lately we've been distant from each other. Day in day out, there were times where I didn't catch a glimpse of her even, though we are just together. I've always had this thought: What would happen when she leaves?
Maybe for her to leave, would be a good thing for her. Free at last. No more suffering to bear. No more medication to take. No more naggings to bear.. Just as she wished, almost every day.
But for me, how would it be? I could not answer this question, a question that first buried in my mind few years back. It was a critical moment for the both of us, for me especially. I knew I couldn't accept the fact that she will leave if she had left those days.
Even now, I still can't. Or, was I lying to myself. Actually I can, just that I don't want to? I don't want her to leave. Half of my self is with her. I cannot bear the loss.. if she were to leave now. But why do I think for my own self only, when she's suffering at the other end?
When will I ever learn to face it.. face the fact that she is leaving..soon.
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