Concern indeed..

I came across this incident where a friend of mine asked "What's going on?" since I was sharing about something with another friend. So out of respect and trust that this other friend was kind enough to listen to my sharing, I shared. Before long this friend started giving remarks of own experiences too.

Well, I was sharing about life and how it has been.. surely there are ups and downs and apparently lately with more downs..so this friend too commented of own downs and how this friend still survives..

All I asked was just a listening ear and an open heart, I need no comments as yet. I had not even finished my words. Oh well, I let that friend talked and in the end I became the ear. Haha.

Funny friends I meet lately. So being concern does not necessarily mean you need to comfort the person.. silence might just do the work.

Which is Important?

I recently came across this friend of mine who can't seem to judge the importance of life and the things that come with it. As a result, everything seems to go wrong ALL the time and this friend ends up very disheartened and upset..

So what IS important?

1, A final farewell party for a close friend or to stay at home and accompany old parents?

2, To celebrate a very close friend's birthday or to rush to the hospital for another friend's sudden labor?

Sometimes we tend to get our priorities mixed up. We feel as if we know what to do yet we did the wrong thing. And people end up being so mad and we end up "Why?! What did I do wrong...?"

Everyone has their own outlook of life. Everyone sees things differently, of different importance. But if everyone sees Example 1 that it is more important to stay home than attend the farewell party, yet we feel otherwise, there might just be a tiny confusion of importance in our judgment. Similarly with Example 2, it is more important to be at the hospital with the friend in need of support rather than cooking dinner for a close friend's birthday..though we may again, think otherwise. And that's where we look at all the other factors that come with it - who needs me more, how will I function at the scene, what is my role etc..

And that's where moral comes in, and the fight of the "good" and "bad" in ourselves. To enjoy with our friend who is leaving for the last time or to stay home and listen to old parents ramble. To celebrate a birthday with joy and happiness or to be at the hospital and watch a friend in pain. Then again, it depends how much we are needed.

But all the same, we can't benefit everyone with whichever decision we are going to make. Someone will get hurt, and it comes down to how much hurt they get and if those hurts can be made up with future accompaniment.

Example 1 - We WILL meet our friends again in near future when they come back to their hometown, but we might not see our parents so often as they are old and weak..and they were the ones who took care of us since young.

Example 2 - There WILL be more birthdays to celebrate in future, or we can throw a surprise belated gathering.. but we might risk not being there at the hospital where life and death in concerned.

So, weigh it. If it was YOU in those scenarios, won't you like to have someone to accompany you in your difficult times?

Silent Reflection

I did not abandon my blog, haha, just that I felt it should go on 'Silent Reflection' for a while.

Amazingly, keeping quiet is one of the toughest things to do. Can we as humans, stay silent (not talking, texting, calling, passing messages, or simply no communication with another human) for 2 days? It's tough. I mean, what to do while keeping silent, besides keeping silent??

Boring....

Well, try it. :)

I tried it, it was rather nice, I would say, to be at peace with yourself after so many 'happenings'. To be able to just sit and think about yourself, about how things around you come about, and about how you relate with those things. Though at first try, you will feel great discomfort as the very next moment you want to say something or you want to communicate with another person. But once the world goes silent, you feel yourself in your own world of which no one else can disturb, where you get to set the rules, where that world alone belongs to you.

Much uncertainty if you understand that kind of experience, but if you succeed 2 days without communication, share with me. :)

When time is not on our side

As time passes, I begin to acknowledge its presence and how it plays such importance in a person's life. Without time, who are we and what are we?

When we are so free, when time just ticks past without us realising, how beautiful it is to just be carefree and all about our own world.

When time hits us in the face and sticks the note "You're late!" be it for an event, for work or simply anything, we rush for time. When all the while: time has been there - ticking at the same pace!

Time has always been fair; it is us who have paid less attention to it, hence the struggle we face at the end of the day. The "I wish there's more time.." phrase will be ringing through the air.

So when time is not on our side, let's make the best of it while we still can. Before time runs out. For real.

Conscious

My eyes were opened as bricks fell one after another. It was a sign the end was coming, and I was not too late to realise it, yet. I wonder if those around me who saw the bricks had their mind gates opened.

Sometimes I thought I was sub-conscious of what's happening around me. At times I wished it wasn't even real, this world I'm living in.

When troubles come our way, we wished we were in a dream. When blessings come flying pass, we wished we had been fast enough to catch and keep them in reality.

To learn to let go, and to learn to love what's gone.

Unknown Messages

Language is one important means of communication, especially for expression purposes. Language can be verbal in speech or non-verbal as portrayed by body language. Both words and actions give great impact to people, especially those whom we communicate with.

Certain people are known to speak in bushes, where we as listeners can only perceive the messages between the lines.

Some others prefer direct presentation of messages; no twisted vines, just straight to the point.

Another few acknowledge the importance of manner in speech, where expressions are thought of before speech is being made.

Unknown messages are everywhere. It is up to us as listeners (or speakers) to think properly before grasping the message, not just assume that it is how we think it would be. Also not to forget, the big and small implications it brings.

Going against it

When you meet with some sort of situation where you have to go against your moral, your own belief, you sometimes hope that those involved will stand next to you to help make the decision. Should you go against your moral just for the sake of saving another person, which benefits yourself at the same time... or should you just let it be since that was how it was in the first place and should be?

I held on. I couldn't do it though my hands reacted the other way round. No one was there, and even if there was, it was of no help either. Decision-making, how weak one becomes when facing it.

Kosong semuanya

Sudah bertahun lamanya tidak menulis dalam Bahasa Malaysia. Entah hilang ke mana perasaan tersebut setelah dua tahun yang lalu menulis esei yang panjangnya lima muka surat dalam masa sejam setengah. Kini kukembali mencungkil bakat yang kian terpendam, penggunaan kosa kata yang 'berbunga' kata mentorku dahulu.

Hari berganti hari, hatiku semakin kosong rasanya. Soalan menampar diriku, apakah gangguan mental punca masalah? Kata orang, dunia akan tamat tidak lama lagi. Ya, tahun ini akan berakhir dalam sebulan dua, tetapi dunia? Siapakah yang boleh pastikan hari dan waktunya. Semestinya bukan saya.

Seorang kawan pernah memberitahuku, "Aku akan berdiri di sampingmu pada masa yang sukar dan sedih - jika kamu perlukan aku." Namun kelibatnya tidak kelihatan apabila aku mula bertanya, apakah kamu sudi mendengar dan memegang janji rahsiaku ini. Tidak. Itu hanyalah janji-janji kosong. Terlalu naif bagiku untuk mempercayai kata-kata manismu yang hanya akan kamu buihkan. Kenyataan melanda apabila kamu bergerak pantas dari pandanganku dengan alasan yang hanya mampu digunakan padaku. Aku lalai mempercayaimu. Kini hatiku kosong, menjadi sepi mendengar keluhan nadi. Kosong semuanya, hanya kedengaran darah mengalir perlahan.

Ya, dunia akan berakhir suatu hari nanti. Biarlah hari tersebut menjadi kenyataan, sudah ku jemu menanti.

Random

Flying across my mind now is the urge to write. But somehow there's nothing flying with that urge on what to write. Hence, it's rather blank.

Let's see what's random.

I'm rather irritated with the trendy penstache played in facebook where you have to take a picture of yourself pouting with a pen between your nose and lips and post online after which you tag your friends. I think it's..a nothing-else-better-to-do online thing. We should spend more time reading on something useful instead.

---

The newspapers lately kept showing people getting robbed, injured, killed. And the latest this morning was the 12-year-old boy who got stung by "some insects", of which are bees and he died after his family failed to bring him immediately to medical attention. I wonder what's with the world today, where pain and hurt are overwhelming the supposedly 'increased income for better living'.. of which more smiles should be seen on the streets, and more sick people cured?

---

Sitting for exams was never my liking, what more to say with limited facilities and restricted usage of proper materials. It made me feel as if I were back in the exam hall sitting for SPM. For that whole day, I wondered if that exam was necessary after all. It just killed more brain cells.

---

Friends are getting very far when you try to get near them. What happened to 'friends forever', 'best-est best friend' and 'I'll always be there for you'? It's not about me, but I wonder if friendship really lasts.

---

Everyone seems to be living for the sake of money, and living to earn as muuch as they can. I wonder if they realise money can't be brought to wherever they are going after they die? What's life, if everything is about money?

---

None of the music/movie players can work now... It just killed my mood to watch Little Nyonya. Good series, check it out.

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Till end of this year, the world will be quiet and more eyes will be opened. Hopefully next year will be a slowdown. Or..maybe not.

---

I am tired of writing. I should resume with my 7.30pm sleep again tonight. Thank you for spending time reading! :)

I doubt if these gave you any meaning, but they do, in fact.

Calling for you

Have you ever had the experience where you called someone and that person never seem to answer your phone call or greeting? I think I have, not that I can remember who though.

There was once someone told me, "I tried calling you for so many times but you never seem to pick up the phone." And I just replied, "Sorry, I wasn't there with the phone I suppose." Not that I could help it, the phone was in the office! And I have odd hours in there. :)

My point here is that whenever someone call for us, we should try our best to respond with simplest gesture. It feels similar when others call for us and we do not respond.. the 'unwanted' feeling exists.

So let's prevent that negative feeling yea, by simply responding with a yes, no, or just silent language where applicable.

Demand demanded demanded-ed?

The week passed by with this very special word: Demand. Oh how microeconomics drilled into us the very basic terms supply and demand. Not to forget monopoly and oligopoly. :) Man I thought those were games at first. Remember this guy?

Oh I miss those days.

The week went well pretty much I suppose. I was nowhere else but in office, at home and in college. And of course, on the roads of Kuching. There were good news, and so also were there not-so-good news. But it's fine. Balance, as a friend termed it.

As I reflected on my previous week, I realise we seem to live in demand of others. Why so, you may ask. Take for example, a father wants his son to be involved with his surroundings. From there freedom is given to the son to go out with friends, have fun, make mistakes and come back for money to pay up the mistakes etc.. What I meant by the son living in demand of the father is that he is to get himself out of the house and mix around. That's equilibrium supply he's giving to his dad. But once the son mixes with the wrong type of friends where gambling, drinking and smoking are priorities, he's giving his dad a great leap in surplus. Hence we hear of the usual 'You're grounded' from the father to lower the ceiling price and get down back in the "safe-equal" zone.

I suppose that teaches us to weigh ourselves; are we living to a person's demand or are we just trying to be ourselves. It's complicated when you think of it from the surface, but take time to wonder how it is to live within demand of oneself. That's freedom of life.

Everyone has the right to live, for that is why we were born into this world.

My Wish

Sometimes I wish you'll just stop talking.
Sometimes I wish you'll continue speaking.
Sometimes it's just the wrong timing that you talk.
Sometimes it's just the wrong word you speak.

Sometimes I keep what you said to me.
Sometimes I lie as though you never spoke.
Sometimes the greatest speech you make never was the best.
Sometimes the words you said were never met.

Sometimes I just wish you would think twice to understand
Sometimes I just wish you will not look at it from the front
Sometimes I just wish you would be a friend as you said
Sometimes I wish.. perhaps it's just me.

It's all back to me.

I Stand

The look that I yearn

The smile that I long

The laughter that I seek

All lies which turned bleak

The times of trouble

The times of pain

The times of sorrow

All now become plain

The moments of truth

The glitters of joy

The mountains of gladness

All never seem to start again

I'm calling you

I'm begging you

I'm trusting you the least I could

And I will stand, I will stand

I will stand

And strong I will stand up to be

And all I hope for

is that you will stand with me

Just this once.

Squeeze Me

When I used to say "excuse me" to get through a crowd or just to be polite when walking pass in front of someone, my friend would tease me by saying "squeeze me, squeeze me" and thereafter I would be given a great big squeeze. Sounds so innocent, ain't it?

"Excuse me". What an important word. Without this said gently, there will never be a sense of politeness. But that's not just it. What if you turn down your tone a little when saying it; it will sound as if you are clarifying an issue. And if you increase your pitching a bit higher, it will sound as if you are defending yourself against an issue - feeling upset over a remark or statement.

Lately do you notice there are less "excuse me's" being said. And even if there are some, most are said harshly, in a hurry, or just with the I-don't-want-to-say-it tone. Can't imagine how it would be if this 'squeeze me' word extincts..

Will you let it slip away just like that? Let's preserve it; for we humans always prefer a polite "Excuse me" when someone walks in front of you while you were talking, and not just 'fly pass' without saying a word. Do unto others what you want others to do unto you, aye?

Perfection

Heard of perfectionists? I'm sure you've encountered one or two or even a few whom you can think of right now. :)

Perfectionists. Who are they?

Someone once told me, don't be too perfect in doing things... lest when things run away from your perfection, you will end up in despair. Well, quite true.

In terms of my own religious belief, perfection only suits God. To be a perfectionist means you are trying to be God. Well that struck me a while, for I am a person who wants to see things running in order with no mistakes etc. Somehow it seems not so right now. :)

Let's just let things run on its on. We plan yes, but we leave our planning to the One who's going to carry it out.


P/S: Mid-Term Review just ended. LFC camp coming up. Today's Wednesday and I'm running on almost-flat battery. So much for a holiday break.

Temporary

I am now in my office tearing stamps. About 500 of them. As I tore them one by one, I realised I won't be doing it much longer - I am just a temporary staff here.

Things in life are also just temporary. This life of ours - though we avoid talking about it - is also temporary. We come, and we leave. All the things in life are temporary in the sense that we cannot have them with us when we leave one day.

Simple example, when one moves from an old house to a new house for whatever reason, it is a change in life. The house that we had to move from, is just a temporary shelter. We can buy the biggest house with the highest ceiling (not discouraging you from getting big houses, get them if you can afford :D) but those big houses, large pieces of land and mountains of gold we unfortunately use them just for now. Surely we can't bring them to our graves, and even if we could, someone else would take them away.

Leaving a "temporary" item or being or whatever is it, requires adaptation to a new scene. The changes that we undergo are never easy, anyone could say that. I'm sure you have experienced leaving something or someone and struggle in making the adjustments too, at least once. :)

Since nothing concrete is permanent, let's be open to changes and movement.

words and phrases

This is one of the posts where I simply can't put into words what's in my head. So I'll just throw out those words and phrases, you join them up if you can and wish to know what's it all about.

over and over again

anything more than

road we travel

tired

dreams

cold

seeing truth

confused

journey

all love, no hatred

beginning of the end

hungry

piles of sand

unjust

knowledge and skills

unworthy

run

jump

the end?

Blah. :S

Why do we shout when in anger?

A spiritual story by Unknown.

A saint who was visiting river to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked, 'Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?'

Disciples thought for a while, then one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout.'

'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner,' asked the saint.

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples. Finally the saint explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either non-existent or very small...'

The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'

He looked at his disciples and said, 'So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return. They may end up in divorce courts, for instance.'

Coincidence?

Today was first day of exam. I suppose things were ok except the fact that there were some annoying signs from the working parts.

All the same, on the way home today I stopped by the cake house to grab a long piece of raisin bread for grandma. At the same time, while leaving the place, was it just coincidence or God's plan; that I met a long-time-no-see good friend of mine who hardly came home for holidays and we hardly met ever since we last did. It's been a year, and my has she changed~!

Apparently, all I did was scream her name in the car and dad stopped in the middle of the road and wound down the window and I just screamed her name, and she screamed mine. It was in the hot sun, in the middle of the road, alongside busy coffee shops and next to the hectic roadside traffic. Imagine the people watching us.

We hugged and hugged, and just couldn't stop laughing at such 'coincidence'. And we made future plans.

So, my point for the day; was it just coincidence? Or was it planned?

For myself personally, many things happening in our life are planned. Think about it. Ever wondered why at times when we needed something we lacked, and the next moment, someone else comes with it? Or when we're rushing to a certain place and the traffic happens to be green all the way? Perhaps you would say, "Mine's red all the way!" Well, would you think in a way that if you rushed through the red lights, would it cause your life, or worse the lives of others?

Whether it is a belief or not, things do happen for a reason. Nothing is coincident unless you refuse to believe it is planned. So is it coincidence for you to read this post of mine? Or is it coincidence that we just happen to know each other as friends?

Stop to Look

As I drove this afternoon and there was this mini roundabout I passed. I saw two cars eventually coming and yet I didn't brake. My right leg was on the brake pedal but I just didn't step on it. Instead I made the car slow down and the guy behind got really angry that you-know-what-drivers-do-when-they're-angry. Would just consider myself blessed so as not to be crashed and not to get the car crashed with my mum and cousins crashed too.

After that I drove rather quietly, hearing the words of advice from mum of which she panicked etc.. I thought to myself, I questioned myself in fact; why didn't I stop??

I suppose it was a tiring day, or perhaps the moody weather and the cooling air-con in the car, or maybe the smooth flow of the drive preventing me from breaking the motion.. I don't know. I was confused myself.

Now come to think of it. I should have stopped. The consequences were far more worse than I thought, but I overlooked them.

Lately I have been so caught up with things; involvements, priorities, passion, dedication.. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm busy with. And with all these things crowding around me, confusing me, I tend to overlook a lot of things. Seemed to have failed in everything.

But today's experience was one to remind to stop for a moment and do a check on myself. What IS my priority? What IS the thing I should be busy-ing with?

Perhaps getting things organised would do me good, to keep me on the go again. Or perhaps a cup of tea just to sit and list them all down would grant me freedom from confusion. And the commitment to do that - that's the first step to take. Never easy.