Ready to Leave

Ever had a phase in life to move on and leave the past behind as it is? Hmm.. I've never actually been in that phase, but coming soon is the preparation to leave.

Leaving to where? No idea. But I'm leaving my past.

It's a tough decision to make that made us chose this path. The balance of benefits for all parties, the fine line to draw for all. I don't figure myself being excited to leave, as that was how and where I became who I am now. I dislike going out, away from the "mother's wings" as people term it, but life has to move on.

And so, 3 months perhaps; I shall leave.

A new phase of life. A new outlook on living. A new me?

Embrace the change, endure the toughness, enlarge the view of life.

Move on~!

16 Jan 2010

This marks the 200th post.

It also talks about the first ever break-in at my house.

My one-year old laptop was taken, alongside the bag with my Aussie parrot, mouse, cooler pad and one-week old NEW ear phones! Sigh.

My only gold pendant given by my beloved grandaunty was taken. Sigh sigh.

My drawer was forced open and my old currency were taken, together with some 1 ringgit coins.

My whole collection of ear rings was taken, goodness knows why. No gold. No silver. I'm left with one pair which was not in the box apparently.

My hard discs were supposed to be taken, but somehow the thieves removed the casing and reluctantly put it back on the table? I suppose they realised they've taken enough documents in the laptop itself rather than destroy my whole life worth of works and memories by taking away my hard discs.

The dvd player was taken.

My dad's laptop alongside his office documents and pendrives and all his stuff in the bag was shouldered away.

The door grill was badly shaped. The door was replaced. Total losses estimated about RM5k.

We'll never know how precious something is until it is gone.

Thank God grandma was out with us for lunch. It was a mid-day break in. I'll never forget today. Ever.

Facing It

Lately I have to admit...in Malaysian terms..A lot of people die lar...

*bows head*

Sigh.

Two days ago my grandaunty passed away. She was 78 years old, second in a siblinghood of 8 with my grandma as the first. At first it didn't really sink in, as grandma actually called the office for my dad? Sounds fishy when you hear a phone call from home. My first assumption was that the house got broken into, or she got cheated by some cheeky salesperson, or that something went wrong with some part of the house and needed help. At least it didn't occur to me that she had gotten hurt, else she wouldn't have called.

But it was just a call to inform that her sister passed on and she had to visit her and that someone's there to pick her up. I breathed in relief she was okay. Could not imagine how I would react if something were to happen to her.

So yea, one more left this world. She was sick for some time, and had tiny glitches in the family with my grandma too but all those belong to the past. It won't do grandma any good to hold on to those anger and unhealthy feelings. After all, what can you do to a person who is already dead except forgive and pray for eternal happiness when one's own time comes?

Grandma seemed fine as I talked to her about the past. She was in tears no doubt, being the oldest and seeing a younger sister leave first.. (In her view, the older ones should be the ones to leave first, but 3 younger siblings left already before her.) But she's taking it positive I suppose. One thing I know she's waiting for her turn.. And well I'm not quite ready for that.

But all the same, we have to face death one day. And before that day, we should live life with happiness and peace - no feelings of revenge and regret for they only cause more harm than good. Easier said than done, but one key to success: develop virtues of love, patience and endurance. Optimism. :)

I've had my times of fighting between good and bad of myself. Perhaps one day I'll share. Till then, (smile) love, be patient and endure all words. :)

Shoulder Support

There will be times when we encounter experiences of being alone, confused, rejected.. and terribly in need of someone.

There are other times when the worse got better of us and we feel the world falling down on us as we split ourselves unknowingly, piece by piece.

For those times, have we ever wondered; what actually was happening to us? Why were we acting that way?

That's normal human reaction to a stimulus - or an event that impacts us emotionally or mentally - something that we can never understand why, for in the beginning we were created this way. And it is good, as a matter of fact. To be able to realise the need to release; to realise the feeling of oneself in a certain situation.

But in the midst of all these 'down' moments, there is a shoulder support somewhere next to us. Whether we realise it or not, it is there. And it is always ready, waiting for us to give the SOS signal - despite the uncertain thoughts we have of that support.

So at times of desperation, do not hesitate to look for a shoulder for support. :) They are there, just put pride aside and call out for once.

Shaken

Two days ago, something happened at home. Dad and mum were away traveling so grandma and I were the only ones at home with the dog. It was a little after midnight when the incident happened... and I was terribly shaken by it.

Door lock opening, latches unlatched. I trembled, for once I felt the greatest fear I ever experienced.. and this incident left a deep mark. A very deep mark that I doubt will ever go away except haunt me back again in future..

A story to be told only to the known. A story.. no one will ever understand lest they themselves experience being in my shoes.

A story of life.

The End Yet Not the End.

Just finished exam. It was.. okay I guess. Somewhat this time I never left the room early anymore. Due to some 'complications' which prevented certain functions from functioning well. But all the same, all's finish but the great English one is tomorrow. Hmm... getting lazy.

I would say throughout this whole exam period, I have not been studying as I should. So many things crept up at the same time of which I juggled horribly. It wasn't easy to prioritize, especially when both are of the same priorities.

Yesterday had a little tension with her again. It seemed that whenever a good gesture is declined, there is that deep sense of rejection. Rejection - tough job.

So the end is here. It is coming, though not exactly here. I wish the end won't be here too soon, yet I wish things to end soon. Hmm.. human nature vs true self. Who will win.

Deep

It has never occured to me that something like these would happen all at the same time. Sharing it out never seemed to help, except more critics coming in that prioritizing was not in place. And it went really deep..

It was fine at first. Some people are just known for their interesting method of commenting and comforting speech. Some on the other hand, do not bother to think of the otherwise. Some times, little things said or done, can mean a lot to some other people; whether or not sensitivity is in thought.

Judging priority is not the easiest thing to do. Not if it involves the most important things in life. At times, won't it be great if in such dilemma, a person can just be the silent companion yet caring and nursing the quiet moments.. and not dig deeper.

I personally, think it has gone deep enough. :)

Do get some rest while I fill it up with soil again. =)

Toothpaste?

Hmm... any knowledge of what this thing is?

Have a few guesses:

1, Toothpaste

2, Shaving cream

3, Mayonnaise

4, Hair cream

5, anything else you can think of?

Linked from here I got this:


Imported from Germany! This popular HOT mustard in a Tube is made from fresh-ground mustard seeds. Delicious when served with any of your favorite German sausages and sandwiches. You may even want to dip your German Bauernbrot in it! No preservatives. Refrigerate after opening. NET WT. 100ml


Oh.... actually it's mustard! Haha.

Funny thing was, my dad used it as toothpaste and he was thinking why his toothbrush turned all yellow and the color didn't wash off, and that it felt like he had just eaten cucumber.

LoL.

So much for brother going to Germany and buying home a toothpaste for good use. Teehee...

Pre-Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year is just 27 hours away. I felt as if it was only yesterday we celebrated CNY 2008. Now is 2009.

Last year, my aunty from KL surprised my grandma by arriving at KIA at 12 midnight on CNY. She's the one person staying in KL with her husband and hardly come back home. But last year, grandma was not in good health, hence aunty was advised to return and pay her a visit. The plan was carried out by my brother who is currently staying with her in KL on job purposes. When it was 10pm, my brother had to tell my grandma the surprise visit.. so as not to scare her to death when aunty appears at her room. But grandma was too taken aback that she didn't know how to react..and she ended up, instead of sleeping - going to the airport to await her daughter's arrival. That was the "fun" part.

This year, aunty might come back.. if there's any chance of a last minute seat in AirAsia or MAS. but we'll see. And grandma has already been foretold.. in case anything happens. But still on a 50/50 decision making status.

As I drove back home today, I saw many houses being beautifully decorated. Lanterns, pineapples, lion heads, red cloth.. not forgetting seeing people washing their carporch with pressure cleaners, instead of the usual scrubbing..(Cinderella way). Also some richer families would hire workers to paint their fence and walls. All for the sake of welcoming the new Chinese year in the lunar calendar - the year of the Ox.

Then I thought, it must have been quite a lot to spend on the decorations. They're definitely not cheap! I went to survey the prices and the cheapest lantern (made of cheap red paper) costs RM2 at least. And mind you, they're really cheap - and lowest of qualities. The nicer ones cost at least RM10 and above. Those huge lanterns cost RM28 each, and usually a pair would be most suitable to have. In the end mum and I decided on something else more worth the money..I think. Just enough to bring out that cheerful spirit of new year. I have this sort of thinking that it's not what you put on the outside for people to see or admire.. it's what really lies inside yourself and your family that is the true meaning of new year.

So yea, pre-new year preparations are not done yet. And I'm down with terrible flu and sore throat to add to the hustle and bustle, slowing the work down and causing unnecessary inconveniences to family members. Pray that by new year's day all sickness will be gone!

Till then, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!


-little cup-

Apologise

"Sorry, I'm so sorry.."

You walked down the alley and bump, knocked someone off his shoulder. Seeing that he looked like a bad-kind-of-guy, you quickly brushed his shoulders clean and apologised as many times as you could until he walked away satisfied. You watched him move steadily away and breathed in relief..

When you got home, you ran into your younger sister who rushed to open the door for you. "Get out of my way," you said. She was hurt - not only did she tried to please you, she realised that she was a nuisance for you..


When we meet a stranger, how easy it is to say 'Sorry' when we have offended him/her. But how hard it is to apologise to our own family members every time we wronged them..have you ever realised this?

It is true; strangers are people not known to us, so we won't know how they will react if we do something wrong against them. For that we apologise. Family members are those we live with..but this does not mean that if we know how our family members will react, we can just wrong them any way we like, and not apologise. This is wrong! Our family memhers are humans too, they have feelings just like those strangers we meet.

Why is it so hard to say 'Sorry' to our parents, siblings or relatives..? Yet it is so easy for that 5-letter word to be said in front of those we do not know so well? We should not have this kind of thinking. Won't you want others to apologise to you when they have wronged you, especially if they are your family members?


We might have just hurt their feelings a few minutes ago too, have we apologised?



-little cup-