The Week

Ah I'm back... :)

After a whole long week of ....rush and all sorts of feelings and experiences, time to get back to reality and sit here and type again. So what's with the week?

Sunday - Tuesday: Mid-Term review of the Pastoral Focus on the Family by Archdiocese of Kuching. Had the priviledge of sharing my life story to 300 delegates from 11 parishes including the Shepherd and all other priests.. wow. :)

But with the car cooking my patience on the second day and causing lots of inconveniences and panic and worries, ah.... I almost died of I-don't-know-what-to-do... yet things just unfolded fine on its own at its own time.

Wed - "Break time" before the 'second half' of the week. Supposingly to get rest and take a break off the 3-day conference and prepare for the Leadership Formation camp (LFC) but... as usual, last minute-ness and craziness ate me up. Battery almost ran flat.

Thurs morning - supposingly get all shopping done for camp the day before but something else crept up and somehow things had to be done alone and unknown. So shopping carried forward and was "supposed" to go up Mt Singai in the morning but the car meragam again and caused more casualties. I got to rest no doubt, (well I needed it in the first place) but then things at camp happened and there were miscommunication and...no one's cooking for us? Thank God for an angel who just 'happened' to be at camp who's taking cooking lessons so he cooked for us with a team of half-pail knowledge assistants. :D

Camp dragged for 48 hours and we got back Kuching on Sat evening, of which we (as if not tired enough) went for makan and minum at Open Air and then back to office to chit chat and then later at night went to McD for a farewell drink with the "camp chef" before he leaves for studies.

Sunday - How time flies. It's a week gone. Supposed to get the assignment done, yet nothing's ready. Quiz on Monday yet I was flat at home, recharging. Mum insisted to go back to her dad's place so had to tag along and spent half morning, lunch and half afternoon there... Pond harvesting. :) Swimming in the mud for the guys = cool~ Got back home and dozed off for 15 minutes before going out again. I almost died. My legs ached madly, going up and down the mountain twice. I salute those guys going up and down 4-5 times, each time carrying stuff up, eg. diesel 5 gallon x 3 sets x 6 persons. Thank you guys. :) I'm sure you will be rewarded with muscles soon.

Sunday night - dinner. And there we laughed like crazy people who've never laughed before. Now with 4 crazy animators, we have a new generation of crazy student leaders. :S

Monday - morning I couldn't get my brain to work. Dad drove me home to sleep after mass and breakfast and I only touched on supply and demand 3 hours before the quiz. Brain froze at the start of it, but got it done in the end. Hope all's fine.

And so... the week's over. I've got office work piling up, camp work to be finished and some minors here and there to get settled. Life's just the beginning of something new. When one thing's done, something new and better creeps up. Till then, goodnight!

Perfection

Heard of perfectionists? I'm sure you've encountered one or two or even a few whom you can think of right now. :)

Perfectionists. Who are they?

Someone once told me, don't be too perfect in doing things... lest when things run away from your perfection, you will end up in despair. Well, quite true.

In terms of my own religious belief, perfection only suits God. To be a perfectionist means you are trying to be God. Well that struck me a while, for I am a person who wants to see things running in order with no mistakes etc. Somehow it seems not so right now. :)

Let's just let things run on its on. We plan yes, but we leave our planning to the One who's going to carry it out.


P/S: Mid-Term Review just ended. LFC camp coming up. Today's Wednesday and I'm running on almost-flat battery. So much for a holiday break.

The Fountain

I dreamt of this.

A fountain.

If we really study the fountain, we will notice that water spurts out from the bottom going against gravity. Once reaching its limits, the water showers down with the awesome flowery dance. Amazing.

Imagine how much effort it takes to create that force to push the water up and let it 'bloom' from above. If we are to be the person pushing from below, I would expect us to sweat more than the water flowing upwards. Although it takes great trouble to make the water go in an opposing direction, the result of those huffing and puffing is simply breath-taking.

Many times we need to put in effort to do things to get things moving. Sometimes the effort we put in does not seem to make the thing move.. not even an inch or two. And we get discouraged. But as the saying "A little makes a lot" or "Sedikit-sedikit lama-lama jadi bukit", it does make a difference in the result. And mind you, you won't regret pouring in those sweat and blood - it's worth it.

So to make fountains up there, we've got to work from the start - right down there. :)

Temporary

I am now in my office tearing stamps. About 500 of them. As I tore them one by one, I realised I won't be doing it much longer - I am just a temporary staff here.

Things in life are also just temporary. This life of ours - though we avoid talking about it - is also temporary. We come, and we leave. All the things in life are temporary in the sense that we cannot have them with us when we leave one day.

Simple example, when one moves from an old house to a new house for whatever reason, it is a change in life. The house that we had to move from, is just a temporary shelter. We can buy the biggest house with the highest ceiling (not discouraging you from getting big houses, get them if you can afford :D) but those big houses, large pieces of land and mountains of gold we unfortunately use them just for now. Surely we can't bring them to our graves, and even if we could, someone else would take them away.

Leaving a "temporary" item or being or whatever is it, requires adaptation to a new scene. The changes that we undergo are never easy, anyone could say that. I'm sure you have experienced leaving something or someone and struggle in making the adjustments too, at least once. :)

Since nothing concrete is permanent, let's be open to changes and movement.

Loosen up

It feels rather funny not to do anything. Well some people can just live without working and be free all the time, while others must get their feet moving lest they die of boredom. I think I'm more to the latter.

Lately life has been pretty much loosened up, I would say. Not so much of rushing as compared to earlier months this year. Perhaps just a 'transition' period to cool down a little. :) So not used to it...

Someone, teach me to sit still and do nothing.. I suppose I didn't learn that when I was younger.

So if your life is hectic and busy, find time to sit still and watch the clouds go by. And if you're always too free for everything, find things to do that will benefit yourself and others. :)

The Last Goodbye

People always say, "Treat others well today, for fear you will not be able to see them again tomorrow." How life is a mystery to all - it comes and goes, but unknown to our human senses when it will be taken away.

I used to not be too attached to "departing feelings"; even when my maternal grandmother left when I was about 12 I knew nothing about death. To me she just went to sleep in that special box of which those who sleep in it will never wake up again. I didn't shed a tear during her funeral, not realising the reason to cry.

After a friend's death about three years ago, I felt it. Sensing that loss in my heart, though we were not close friends in school. Her funeral was well attended by schoolmates, all the front pews full of uniformed students. During the goodbye speech by a good friend of hers, I was touched till tears trickled down. I knew deep inside she had crossed the line and entered a place we humans cannot enter, with joy. But I just couldn't accept reality that I would never see her again, nor give her that huge hug she loved so much. So young, 16 and she's left. God loved her more.

Coming back to reality, attending many funerals after hers was like waves hitting me one after another. Every time I hear of someone's death - especially those of my friend's be it grandparent or parent, it stirs that sorrow within. What would it be if I were to be that friend, facing the death of someone I love - to say the last goodbye and not hearing any response in return? How would I tell myself that he/she has gone back to the Father and is safe from all pain and harm? How would I tell those beside me how great he/she has lived his/her life and that we should live our lives better as he/she wished? How am I going to say goodbye with a smile on my face when all that is in me turn their backs and mourn endlessly?

We die. Anytime. I've been anxiously waiting, not to sit in the front pews any one of these days. I do not wish to do reading for the last time for anyone of them. I do not wish to say the last goodbye so soon. But who am I to say when I will sit there and when I will not. Who am I to wish for prolonged living, when everything is about pain and suffering. Who am I to decide when to die, or when to see others die. Such selfish being of mine.

I just pray and hope that in this short period we have on earth, life and death be according to Your will. May you comfort us in times of sorrow, and lead us to comfort others when their sorrow arises. Let it be done, as you will it to be.

Dissatisfaction

Many times we complain. We grumble when things don't happen the way we want them to, or that they just don't satisfy us. We humans love to be loved, to be satisfied. But most times we get dissatisfied. What actually satisfies us?

Money?

Fame?

Love?

Friends?

Food?

Sleep?

Pain?

Laughter?

I don't know about you, but I personally try not to be dissatisfied when things just walk the opposite direction to mine. It is hard yes, especially when you live such a good life as compared to those out there homeless, food-less, and what more to say internet-less and have no knowledge about computers at all.

I find myself working so hard to get things satisfied for others. Why? I have no answer for that. Perhaps it's just by nature that it happens that way in my flow of blood. Or maybe that's how I was brought up - a developmental effect?

Despite going through all that, I'm still not satisfied on my own part. What actually satisfies me, that's a question I'm longing for an answer. Without knowing what satisfies you, is like living a life without any goals to achieve. A dead living.

So what satisfies you?

words and phrases

This is one of the posts where I simply can't put into words what's in my head. So I'll just throw out those words and phrases, you join them up if you can and wish to know what's it all about.

over and over again

anything more than

road we travel

tired

dreams

cold

seeing truth

confused

journey

all love, no hatred

beginning of the end

hungry

piles of sand

unjust

knowledge and skills

unworthy

run

jump

the end?

Blah. :S